As a couples therapist, and a woman who works full-time and is married, I can appreciate how challenging it can sometimes be to find time to check-in with your partner. In an ideal world, our relationship with our partner comes first and we prioritize time together above all else. In reality, this doesn’t always happen—and sometimes feels impossible.
When we do have time to check-in, often we’re tired, some distressing situation has already taken precedence, or we don’t really know what to say or ask. Here, I’ve created a template for you and your partner to use together. It consists of nine questions, four of which you’ll ask your partner about, and five of which you tell your partner your answers to. You can take turns on each question one-by-one, or one person can go through all 9 questions, and then switch.
I recommend setting aside time at least once per week to go through these questions with your partner. If it’s been a while since you’ve checked in, a lot might come up and this could take up to an hour or more. If you check in regularly, this exercise can be done in as little as 10-15 minutes. I’ve also included a shorter version that you can use as a quick 5-10 minute check-in at the end of each day.
If you or your partner find yourselves getting overwhelmed or derailed with these questions, it’s a good indication that your relationship could use a little extra support from a couples therapist. Feel free to reach out if needed at email@example.com
Take turns asking your partner the following questions:
- How do you feel about me today?
- What did you appreciate most about me this week?
- Is there anything you feel incomplete about from this past week that you’d like to talk about?
- What do you wish I had done more of this week?
Take turns telling your partner about the following:
- How do you feel you’ve done as a partner this week?
- How are you are feeling in general?
- What do you need from your partner this coming week?
- How can your partner make you feel more loved in the coming days?
- If there is anything coming up that your partner should know about?
DAILY CHECK-IN (here is a shorter version that you can use on a daily basis)
- How do you feel about us today?
- Is there anything you feel incomplete about from today or the past few days that you’d like to talk about?
- How can I make you feel more loved in the coming days?
Checking in regularly about your relationship is just one principle that I recommend following for a happy, successful relationship. To read about the rest of the principles, click here.